Oracle Job Offers

I keep getting these form job offers to be an Oracle consultant from some guy.

Role: Oracle E Business Consultant
Location: Washington, DC
Duration: Very Long Term, will go for years

**Green Card or US Citizen Only.

Primary skill: (MUST HAVE)
Oracle e biz suite person, w/PMP and ITIL V3 certs.

 

As much as I’m excited for a job that will go on and on and on for years… I honestly couldn’t care less about Oracle so I decided to troll him a bit. Here’s my response to his standard new hire questions:

 

Full Name: Justin (The Dude) Chase
Contact No.: Yes?
Email ID: Email Ego: Email SuperEgo
Work authorization (GC or US Citizen): Yes, you’ll need that and you probably need a heavy equipment operators permit before you hire me.
Current Location (City, State): Everywhere.
Relocation (Yes/No): Will require daily flights on a private jet.
Availability: Married.
Availability for F2F interview, if client requests: Tomorrow noon. I’ll give you the address when you arrive.
Total IT Experience: Yes. I AM a total IT experience.
Relevant experience as per the requirement: Let’s just say that Al Gore didn’t actually invent the internet, he stole the idea from me.
Expected Rate/hr: 10 BTC
HitPoints: 75
THac0: 11

 

I added a few questions he seemed to have forgotten. It seemed relevant.

Two settings in IE9 I always turn off

Show only one preview per window

I have been struggling to find my tabs every since IE8 decided that abusing the fancy new Win7 window preview feature was a good idea. I use the order of the previews to keep track of which window is which not which tab is which. If you ever find yourself with more than one window those previews do more to hinder your ability to find the tab you want then help. And if you only have one window they’re still too small to help you much anyway.

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Single words in the omnibar are still queries

If you type a single word into the omnibar in IE9 it will first look on your intranet for a machine of that name and attempt to connect to it instead of issuing a query to your default search provider like every other browser. This is an especially annoying feature because not only does it do something unexpected it’s typically a lot slower to find and connect to a local intranet machine than a search provider, so your query ends up spinning for a long time then taking you to some unexpected server. Not cool.

If it isn’t a URL then it’s a query!

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