Oracle Job Offers

I keep getting these form job offers to be an Oracle consultant from some guy.

Role: Oracle E Business Consultant
Location: Washington, DC
Duration: Very Long Term, will go for years

**Green Card or US Citizen Only.

Primary skill: (MUST HAVE)
Oracle e biz suite person, w/PMP and ITIL V3 certs.

 

As much as I’m excited for a job that will go on and on and on for years… I honestly couldn’t care less about Oracle so I decided to troll him a bit. Here’s my response to his standard new hire questions:

 

Full Name: Justin (The Dude) Chase
Contact No.: Yes?
Email ID: Email Ego: Email SuperEgo
Work authorization (GC or US Citizen): Yes, you’ll need that and you probably need a heavy equipment operators permit before you hire me.
Current Location (City, State): Everywhere.
Relocation (Yes/No): Will require daily flights on a private jet.
Availability: Married.
Availability for F2F interview, if client requests: Tomorrow noon. I’ll give you the address when you arrive.
Total IT Experience: Yes. I AM a total IT experience.
Relevant experience as per the requirement: Let’s just say that Al Gore didn’t actually invent the internet, he stole the idea from me.
Expected Rate/hr: 10 BTC
HitPoints: 75
THac0: 11

 

I added a few questions he seemed to have forgotten. It seemed relevant.

Drop a brain bomb

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